Hey friends!! Today we are taking a little detour off of the DIY Express to talk a little real life, hope thats ok!
I’m a talker, its how I process things. Everything from a project idea, to life experiences gets talked through. So I thought, I want to talk about this. And you’re my people, so lets talk about it.
I have Postpartum Depression. (I’m not saying it in an embarrassed way, or in a GIRL POWER HEAR ME ROAR way. Just in a state the facts simply way.)
The reason I’m sharing it is because I didn’t know what postpartum depression looked like, I don’t have anyone in my life (that I know of) that has dealt with it. All the feelings I was feeling, honestly I just thought it was me failing at life (which I’ve voiced a few times over the last 8 months). I didn’t know and maybe there are a few of you who also don’t know and need some insight and a big fat hug.
The way I picutred PPD is very different than the symptoms that I have. I thought it was the inability to connect with your baby, thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, not being able to get out of bed, crying all the time. While all of those are symptoms, there is so much more. I feel like my brain is full of fog that is as thick as peanut butter. I feel emotionally numb to a lot of situations. I have a hard time getting motivated and have a general feeling of not really caring. I am always irritated and frustrated with the girls. All of these things are very much not like me, in fact the way that I usually am is the opposite of everything that I listed. I just don’t feel like myself.
There are loads of reasons why I have grounds to feel like that. I’ve never tried to run a business with a little one. I’m older and my brain isn’t bouncing back as quickly. Mom fog doesn’t disappear after your third. I’ve got WAY MORE on my plate than I’ve ever had, so I chalked it up to a learning curve that I just wasn’t navigating well. But for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just get my crap together!
The biggest red flag was disconnection. It feels almost spiritual, like I’m just disconnected from everything and everyone. I thought that I wasn’t praying enough. I’m sensitive to feeling spiritual because in my world, spirituality and creativity go hand in hand. If I’m not grounded spiritually my creativity is lackluster.
So basically all of these things swirled around in my head like a tornado. Why couldn’t I pull my life together? Why wasn’t I praying more? Why was I always irritated? Why didn’t I care about the things that are so important to me? I was talking to the bestie Brooke about it and she told me that I needed to call my Dr. (thank goodness for great friends right?!) So I did and guess what? Textbook Postpartum.
I’ve been on an anti-depressant for a little while and it has changed everything. I’ve started meditating (I’m using an app called Headspace) and I LOVE it. I didn’t realize how down I was until I started to feel better. Weird things, like noticing that I’m smiling or getting excited about new projects; things that are totally normal, feel normal again.
I think that its important to talk about the things that we’re struggling with, cause chances are we’re far from alone in it. Talk to your doctor (really!!) talk to your friends, you are amazing and wonderful and should feel like a better version of yourself after having a baby, not a shell of it.
And most of all if you’re struggling, its ok, cause I am too. [group hug]